todae, i am suppose to go to Maie's chalet. i feel lyke i paitao them. i'll understand if eu gals are angry at me, i understand. im really sorry gals for the dissapointment. i really want to go, but since Yuhtee is going out and my brother will be alone at home. not that he scared or something, but hey. i know how it feels to be the only child in the house, whereas your siblings are out enjoying themselves. i know, trust me. and furthermore, i know my father is a nagotiable person. despite hym being veri understanding, he has feelings too. a thing about us, is that we willing do something that we dont want to, most of the tymes. and i understand that my father is worried for my exams and its a school nite. so, i pull myself together and chose not to go out todae. i have to be strong and strain myself from ani temptations that can jeopardise my concentration for Nlevels.

speaking of which, i have also been restraining myself from meeting 'The Guys'. they are my friends and i have not meet them for a loooonnggg tyme. i did bump into them during the afternoon. gosh i miss them. they arent realli bad once eu get to know them. i know they may seem lyke bad news, but they're not actualli. they are there when i feel alone, when im sad or just frus. they can make me laugh within a split second. the reason for me not meeting them for a looonnngg tyme would be (1) how i feel about them, and (2) a promise to my beloved. how i feel would be that they've changed abit since they join in "CLUBS". they are no longer the Sisilaq i know and love. they've changed. and instead of feeling lyke i felt, im feel the contra of it. i feel lyke they wont be there for me lyke they use to because they will have to "settle problems" giving "claimations". i feel lyke they wont even feel ani of the people around them who are not in "CLUBS". lyke we are of a liabilty to them. hence, i choose not push myself not to mit them. and i would lyke to sae that its going well and im hurting myself bringing myself further from them.

(2) would be them. i have promised them and i am willingly to keep to my part of the deal. its for my own good right. and i trust that they know whats best for me. they've gone through the stage that im going through. especially my brother, he has gone through the worser parts of what im going through. so i trust hym and i love the both of eu equally.

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